I’m trying, I’m definitely trying this time.

You represent something I want but can’t have. My desire for you will never be fulfilled. I’m aware of this, but I cannot squash these emotions bubbling up whenever I see you. 

Don’t be mistaken, I don’t like you. I just want you. 

I just want someone to hold hands with and feel the warmth radiate from their body as I lie bedside them. 

There I said it. 

I do wish to be good at what I like doing, but it’s never really the case, and I can’t really do anything about it. 

I’m still waiting for that day, fool that I am.

Sometimes I do things, knowing full well that it is wrong, but it makes me feel good so I do it anyways. 

Checklist

Work out; go swimming; eat fruits; drink water

Sleep early; wake up with a smile; morning stretches

Eat breakfast; pack lunch

Attend class; commit to uni; do assignments

Read; Write; Plan; Act

Clean: room; wardrobe; bedsheets

Be grateful

A certain heaviness nestles itself into my ribcages, spreading out its weight evenly through the slits. It is not coming out and I cannot seem to find a way to remove it. It rustles in there, making itself at home, unaware that I am slowly losing my breath walking through this road.